Your Tone of Voice Matters
“Watch your tone with me, young lady!”
I heard that so many times when I was a teenager. I’d grumble back, always under my breath, “I don’t have any tone,” or “What tone would you like me to use, then.” Thanks goodness neither Mom nor Dad ever heard me. Or, if that did, they just chose to let it go.
Unfortunately, many of us continue to use “that tone” on into adulthood, injecting it into our business relationships when things don’t seem to go our way. Just as it was annoying and rude when we were younger, it is equally inappropriate (and still rude) in a business environment.
Our voice is a tool, and used effectively, is one of the most powerful in our toolbox. Just as important as what we say, however, is how we say it – the tone of our voice is part of that.
If our tone conveys an undercurrent of anger or frustration, sounds distracted or preoccupied, or is heavy with sarcasms, it will influence how others hear what we are saying and how they interpret our message. A misinterpretation, based on our tone, will garble the message, at best, or lead to a giant misunderstanding. Misunderstandings in our workplace can be the downfall of a team, lead to unnecessary expenses, or create a hostile work environment.
On the telephone, it is even more vital to watch the tone in our voice. A listener can’t see our face, or watch our body language, so all they have to go on are our words and our tone. We need to make sure the two are in harmony for the most effective communication.
How can we guard against that tone? If you feel it creeping into your voice, slow down or stop, take a deep breath, and start again. Or, if you realize ,after the fact, that your tone may have garbled your message, make amends by apologizing for sending out a mixed message, clarify it, and then move forward.
Let’s work on keeping our message and tone congruent, and on becoming the best communicator possible.
5 Comments
[...] one expert puts it: Our voice is a tool, and used effectively, is one of the most powerful in our toolbox. [...]
I have known from my early childhood that “It is not WHAT you say, but, HOW you say it. My father was verbally and phyically abusive to my mother. He broke her arm hitting her with a TV antenna, and trying to commit her to a mental health facility when I was 10 years old.
My father passed away at the age of 67 in 1970, and my younger brother who was 16 quit school and moved out of state at that time. He also verbally and physically attacked my mother, and is verbally to me.
When someone raises their voice to me,I retreat into my shell, and I hide. I have been told that “because I wear hearing aids,they have to speak louder to communicate with me”, but I can tell the difference between amplification and sarcasm.
One of my husbands’ sisters live 6 hours away. While we both enjoy and love them; when they start to “banter with each other”( which is loud) we both feel uncomfortable. My brother-in-law is a naval retired veteran with many years service. He always has to to be RIGHT. I don’t know if this a male inherited gene(trait) or not.
I have sought mental health assistance, with a psychiatrist who only prescibed every known drug. They only made me sleep many more hours and didn’t address the problem. No counseling was given.
My husband is now retired, and we are having more arguments. He is also adding weapons to his hobby of target shooting. Although he has tried to educate me about guns, I feel uncomfortable. I know it is my problem, not his.
I don’t know what I should do.
First see a therapist for yourself to address ptsd issues that may be present and to become a stronger person. Then insist on marriage counseling with your husband. If he refuses to go to counseling for the relationship then he is not interested in making you happy. Your reference to his addition of more guns left me wondering if you are afraid of him using his weapons as a threat towards you? If that is the case, get to a woman’s shelter fast and work towards a safer life with the help of qualified professionals. Good luck and God bless!!!!
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[...] in favor of the typed message… how do you work on this? Can you get do-overs? The best advice I’ve seen lately is as [...]