Coming together is a beginning, staying together is progress, and working together is success. 

             — Henry Ford

When you are working in small groups, you may find yourself isolated from the larger workplace, working intensely on a project that has become a vital part of yourself.  Every member of the group will likely have that same experience, and a sense of dependence on one another will occur.

While that personal ownership of a project has many wonderful benefits, one danger is that interpersonal communication may deteriorate.  This is usually caused by dependence becomomg overdependence, and increased irritability will usually result.  There may also be an increased tendency to perceive disagreement within the group as a personal attack.  Psychologists refer to this as the “lifeboat syndrome.”

When working with a small group, especially in an intense situation, it is wise to take time to focus on your interpersonal communication skills and style.

Here are some suggestions:

Take time to talk. Sometimes when you’re working very closely with someone, you feel like you can read their mind, and that they can read yours.  That’s all good – until you’re wrong about it.  Taking the time to talk things through, even when it’s about insignificant details, is a team building activity, as well as just being practical.

Listen. It’s an activity.  That means it requires your active involvement.

Be other focused. Ask for opinions of others before promulgating yours.  It builds camaraderie when opinions and ideas are valued.

Be open to new ideas. Whether it’s exposure to new people, things, processes, or simply trying something new, an open mindset goes a long ways toward promoting harmony within a group.  There is no one RIGHT way to do something.  There may be a RIGHT way for you, but you’ve got other people to consider as well.  Find what works for the group, not just you.

Look for common ground. When things get tense, it’s easy to focus on differences, rather than commonalities.  If this starts happening, use your skills to move things back to the shared beliefs and values, and then move forward.

Being a leader is a lot more work than just being one of the team.  You are responsible for keeping it moving forward, and meeting your objectives.  You can’t control human dynamics, but you can conduct yourself in a way that shows your team that you are committed to working through all the issues on the road to success.

No matter how hard we may try to avoid a volatile situation, there will come a time when you have to deal with an angry person.  Whether it’s a boss, co-worker, team member, associate, employee, customer, or even a friend, at some point you will have to handle both the anger and the underlying issues.

Arguments and healthy debates are a vital part of life, and learning to handle anger at a low level stage, can generally keep it from escalating to a problem.

While it’s easy to think that anger is the other person’s problem (and it may well be), anger left unresolved can lead to other problems:  dysfunctional teams, sabotage (intentional or unintentional), broken relationships, and distrust.  It can even escalate to violence.

Here are some suggestions for dealing with anger:

Stay Calm.  This one can be tough when you feel like someone is really “in your face.”  But remember, it’s much harder to argue with a person who is calm.  If you can stay calm, it will take the emphasis off the personal (argument) and can keep it focused on the underlying issue.  Staying calm also gives you a momentary emotional break to collect your thoughts about what the REAL issue may be.

Use “I” Statements.  If you’ve read any self-help books over the course of your lifetime, you’ve seen this suggestion over and over.  Why is that?  Because it works.  So why do we so frequently resist using “I” statements.  Generally, we fail to use “I” statements because we get caught up in the anger of the moment.  We focus on being right, rather than reaching resolution.  Try to make a conscious shift in your responses and see how “I’m afraid that I don’t understand what you are saying” is much more effective than “You don’t make any sense at all.”

Focus the interaction on the current dispute.  Just like in our personal life, in business we should strive equally as hard to keep the petty comments, accusations, cheap shots, and personal attacks out of the conversation.  These blunders can seriously, and perhaps permanently, damage a relationship.  When you can avoid bringing the past into your present conversations, you can focus on the current situation.

Listen.  REALLY listen.  It’s an action word, and means that you are focusing on hearing what the other person is saying, and understanding what they mean.  It does not mean you are marshalling your thoughts and getting ready to fire back a comment that will win the argument.  When you become other focused, rather than self focused, you can resolve the issue rather than become stuck navigating the waters of ego.

Look for a quick resolution.  Get the argument over and done with, and look for a way to heal the rift and get things back on track.  If the argument has been with a business associate, make sure you find a resolution that allows you to continue working together, without resentment poisoning the relationship.  If the argument has been with a customer, look for a way for the customer to feel good about the result, even if they later feel badly about the behavior.  In all situations, it is better to put anger behind you and move forward, rather than to hold onto it and let it erupt at some other inopportune time.

Anger will never go away.  It’s a healthy emotion.  Left unchecked, however, anger can distract people from the very core of what needs to be accomplished.  Learning ways to harness your own anger, and to diffuse it in others, is a skill set worth acquiring.

I was talking to my colleague Neil Oribe using GTalk when I noticed his status read: I think management at my company is well aware of the tendency for technology professionals to job hop, and they are willing to do what they can to hold on to the right people. According to him the quote came from Microsoft.

There are two schools of thoughts that came to mind from this quote. The first one is going out of your way and recruiting the best people for your team and the second one is making do with what you have and make them the right people for the job through stewardship.

I am a fan of the former and would always want to get the best people for my team and would not settle for anything less. When I was young and still studying, I remembered how far I went in recruiting the best people for a basketball team which resulted in numerous trophies. I would go and seek them out, talk and persuade them to join our team and sometimes I snatched them off from another team. I carried that attitude in the corporate world where I requested for people I wanted to work with and persuaded my senior managers to allocate certain people for a project I was leading.

Stewardship is a leadership trait my employer taught me wherein part of my job is to ensure that people grow under my leadership, their success is my success and their failure is my failure in helping them grow.

As I have discussed the sink or swim philosophy, the question we ought to ask in this time is “How far would you go to make them the right people”?

It’s easier to hire the best people and expect the team to succeed rather than make do of what you have and show them the right path to growth, essential to the overall success of the project. While both have pros and cons, it is important that you gain the skill to lead a group of superstars as well as lead a group of growing people.

I’ve never learned anything from someone who agreed with me.

Conflict is everywhere and is a staple in every team. I would be surprised if conflict does not exist in a team as I have yet to see a conflict-free environment.

What do we do when faced with conflicts within the team?

This is the time when leadership qualities shine regardless of position and see it as an opportunity to grow not as an obstacle or roadblock that needs to be escalated right away.

What are the skills we can grow out of the conflict?

Analysis – We have to analyze the situation and understand where members of the team are coming from. Ask yourself how come issues have risen and try to ask people back and see how they think.

Communication – By seeking more information we are able to improve our communication skills as we learn how to ask the right questions without being arrogant and at the same time learn how to explain ourselves to clarify our position and understanding.

Patience – During a time of conflict, people’s patience are short that they want resolution right away. This is not always the case, it takes time to come up with something and all team members meeting somewhere.

Sales – As our understanding and perspectives are heard, we begin to have an answer to the conflict which has to be communicated and understood by everyone. This is the time you sell your answer to everyone in the hope of accepting your solution.

Negotiation – Not everyone will buy in your perspective but as long as some people would like the idea, then negotiation starts in the hope of winning some of your arguments and finish off by compromising things for the benefit of everyone.

I am pissed off whenever a staff simply send you an email or talk directly about a problem or conflict within a team which was not discussed and resolved amongst themselves. The first thing I would do is to ask the person whether they took steps to discuss the issue and resolve it by themselves.

If yes, I would ask about the results whether it was something the members have agreed on or whether they had different options (I’ll get the list of options they came up with) that needs to be decided at a higher level.

If no, then I’d tell them to discuss it amongst themselves first and present to me resolution, suggestions, options, etc.

I understand there are people who don’t have the courage to discuss the conflict with the members and this is the time I assess whether it is too sensitive or it is just plain weakness of a person. I would normally encourage the person to strengthen his character to take the necessary steps to resolve the conflict which will greatly benefit the person’s leadership growth.

I have worked with so many people escalating right away just because they do not want to compromise or cannot win in arguments. I feel sorry for them because escalation can only carry you within the company ranks but would not build you into a leader who can win outside your company.

Escalation doesn’t exist when closing deals with customer or clients against super power businesses and proposals. What you need are high-end skills similar to what you can hone when dealing and resolving conflicts. Think like a leader and not as a puppet indulging yourself in politics within the company ranks. Those people who are fond of escalation are people I have left in their rotten organization as I move to bigger and greater companies carrying with me multitudes of high-end skills.

So there goes the cycle…

Seemingly inconsequential things can start a chain reaction to something huge.  A thought, word, or idea from some realm of life can influence thinking about a current project.

Would you agree that to become a leader, visibility in an organization is more important than skills? I hate to admit this premise as I am hard on competition with technical skills supplemented by soft skills such as communication, being sociable and a fair public image but being reminded and coached by a lot of my senior managers and having seen the progression of a number of people in various organizations on visibility as a major factor is compelling enough to believe the importance of this in progressing your career.

In a lot of occasions, senior managers have stressed the importance of being visible to your team, group, and division of even the entire organization but do it in such way that you won’t look like a kick ass politician spattering your face and name all over the place. It’s hard to accept this fact, but anywhere and everywhere you go, a sense of politics exist and the one who can put his foot out the door more, is the one most likely to succeed.

How do you do it?

1. E-Mail Regularly – Almost always send emails for updates on your current task progress or even lack of progress since this will show that you are always on top of things. Long time ago, I heard a manager’s philosophy on this: Email your client even to say nothing. — Enough said.

2. Availability – Be available all the time by making sure your manager or team can reach you any time of the day and everyday. I agree that outside the working hours is personal time and I display being reachable during personal time, but on so many instances when something unexpected screws up or senior management needs to bank on someone, the person who is always easy to contact becomes the go-to-guy and in the long run, he builds an image of dependability.

What are some of the excuses for not being available?

1. Ensure that you don’t have any “celfone low-battery” excuses as this lame and overused excuse just shows how minimal you can manage yourself. If you cannot work on a simple task of keeping your celfone’s battery life always dependable, then you cannot manage bigger things and there goes your future leadership aspiration.

2. Don’t ever tell your boss you were not able to receive their mail because your inbox was full. I heard that lame excuse from a team lead during a meeting and the manager simply answered back — “Keep giving us your “inbox is full” crap, then your promotion will stay in the recycle bin forever”. If you receive the message of the senior people, then how could you read the message from your people who need your leadership the most?

3. Speak-up – Whenever there are general assemblies and meetings, always make it a point to ask a question if time is allotted for it, but make sure to ask intelligent questions. This helps you build your image of smartness and confidence. This is really effective, and I personally have had so much success on this as managers would always like to send you in trainings or conferences (international) since managers are confident you are curious enough to learn and acquire more stuff than the average Joe, making their investment worth while.

4. Volunteer – If there are team buildings or social activities, make it a point to volunteer to be the coordinator once in a while as this will give you the opportunity and chance to network with people outside your group and shows people that you have what it takes to add more work and have the flexibility to work on other things. Plus, it gives you the chance to build on your leadership qualities even if it’s as small as being the head of the food committee.

I have seen a colleague who always volunteered to arrange and beautify the bulletin board of our division, and after a few months of doing this stuff, people recognized him more and were given more bulletin boards and layouts to work on and were even in charged on PowerPoint and flash presentations during parties or celebrations. Because of this he was given a team to work with and later was seen as a layout and presentation expert.

Last week, around ten months after he began doing this bulletin board stuff, the lead for User Interface team resigned and he was immediately given the lead role for this team. Strange as most of us laughed at his dedication to voluntarily work long after hours to do bulletin board stuff, then he became the lead for the UI just because of that. We were surprised as there are a number of highly technical kick ass UI guys in the division, but we could not argue with this decision, as everyone knows him, everyone recognizes his work, dedication and his commitment was unparalleled.

What keeps us from being visible?

1. Too shy – I have seen so many people who are willing to be visible but are just too shy to do it because they feel they will be branded as politicking. This is crap and childish, people who think like this are immature enough to be thrown back to school. There’s always a natural way to do it, but still, people would always think negative about you. Don’t mind them, sooner they will be under your command.

2. Minimal amount of work – A lot people refrain from getting additional tasks which is understandable especially if they are not paid more for it. But as a leader, you will need to sacrifice and a lot of times, you will have to take one for the team. Get my point? No one will know how ready you are unless you actually get more work and perform.

Would you agree that Visibility is more Important than Skills? Let’s just straigthen it up a bit and say that visibility is as important as skills. Would you agree?

As much as I believe in silent leaders who lead by example, majority of people don’t and would prefer celebrity like people (The world love celebrities). Make sure if you go the path of the talkative leader you have the skills to walk the talk and just don’t babble around and end up like a comedy flick show.

If you want the advantage in your organization and the position to begin with, get out there and announce your presence. Just remember the tips above.

If you are leading a team, it will be important for you to recognize the learning style of your team members.

When you know how people best process information, you will then know how to best communicate with them when giving assignments, providing feedback, and motivating them to achieve higher levels of success.

Let’s walk through a couple of scenarios on how you can turn this theory into actionable knowledge.

The Visual Learner:  Will respond favorably to an instruction manual, written strategic plan, visual timeline and progress charts.  They will likely be motivated by the group’s charting progress to goals, a check off to-do list, or some other visual to look at so they can quickly see where they are.  Feedback is best received when it is written, and the visual learner will respond well to a referral for additional reading, research, or sources of information.

The Verbal Learner:  Will respond favorably to group instructions and interaction, talking things through, debating an issue, and asking questions.  They will likely be motivated by frequent verbal feedback and praise, asking and answering questions, and hearing about how things are progressing.  Feedback is best received when it is delivered verbally, and the verbal learner will respond well to a referral for individual coaching, tapes, or attending a class, lecture, or conference.

The Kinesthetic Learner:  Will respond favorably to a demonstration of what is expected, being walked through the steps of a project, and having a chance to present their findings.  They will likely be motivated by opportunities for group presentations, role playing a situation, and producing a video.  Feedback is best received in a way that shows what needs to be done differently, demonstrates how something can be accomplished differently.  The Kinesthetic learner will respond well to demonstrations, opportunities to do things over, or the opportunity to participate in a group presentation.

Having a little background on the various learning styles will allow you to modify your behavior and interaction with your team, thus reaching each member on their level.  This will then give you the opportunity to draw out peak performances from each member.  If you help each of them succeed, they will, in turn, help you succeed.

A side benefit to learning style awareness is that you may realize that the individual, who you thought was difficult, just learns in a different way than the others on the team.  There’s room for everyone on a team, and each learning style brings something different to the table.

Viva la difference!

What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.  (Albert Pike)