Give Someone a Pat on the Back Because they Need it
All too frequently today, people are starved for a little praise. Whether we are willing to acknowledge it to others, or even admit it to ourselves, we all need a little praise in our life.
Awhile back, Milo wrote a post about his belief that a leader should not give someone a pat on the back because they need it, but only because they deserve it.
I disagree.
My leadership approach is different. I believe that an effective leader learns how to best motivate an employee, team member, volunteer, etc., and then uses that information to help that individual succeed. And sometimes, that means a little extra praise – a pat on the back.
Stop for a moment and think back over your recent conversations with your team. Have they been filled with more demands and criticisms than with praise? If so, you may have become more focused on when people fall short, and have forgotten to acknowledge and appreciate their responsible, every day behavior.
Positive and encouraging comments – praise – build confidence and self-respect. It’s even been suggested that if bosses administered praise more often, psychologists would lose nearly all of their patients suffering from low esteem and inferiority issues. After all, a little praise makes us walk a bit taller, try a bit harder, set goals a bit higher.
This is not to suggest that honest criticism and coaching is to be avoided. But incorporating positive reinforcement into your interactions with others may be just what is needed.
So how can you start turning your negative approach into an “atta boy” or “atta girl” approach? Like many things, we can start learning a skill and practicing within our inner circle of friends and family.
Try to develop an eye for seeing what’s right about a person, rather than the opposite. Actively seek ways to express appreciation for those good traits. Most everyone values a compliment, encouragement, or a little recognition. Don’t hoard that pat on the back for a great accomplishment; make it a part of your every day interaction.
If you haven’t done this for some time, or if you’re not known for being effusive with your praise, your comments will likely be met with some skepticism. Persevere. You didn’t become known as a curmudgeon overnight, and you’re going to have to establish new habits.
I believe that we bring out the best in everyone when we learn what people need and then try to give it to them. Few things can generate more power than a pat on the back when we need it, not just when we deserve it.
Photo credit: flickr
7 Comments
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All too frequently today, people are starved for a little praise. Whether we are willing to acknowledge it to others, or even admit it to ourselves, we all need a little praise in our life.Leadership Turn » Give Someone a Pat on the Back Because they …
Amen to that! I’ve never met anyone, anywhere, who quit a job because they were recognized too much. I recently wrote about an experience at Quiznos, which gives a great example of what you’re talking about, Mary Jo. Check it out and let me know what you think. (The entry is called “Nice Work, Mike.”)
You are so right – encouragement, acknowledgment and positive feedback should not be reduced to payment for good work.
It needs to be frequest, specific when possible and authentic. You gotta mean it!
Steve — I’ll check out your article, and thanks for stopping to comment. Recognition is sorely underestimated, and that’s a real shame.
Dave — The kinds words I’ve received, at a time when I needed them most (but probably deserved them the least) have made all the difference in my life. I try to live in a way to give that back to others.
You are right – if the objective of positive reinforcement is to encourage and sustain desirable behavior, then a pat on the back is most effective when someone did the right thing but did not get the desired result. Success is positive reinforcement in itself and the additional reinforcement from a pat on the back at that time is minimal. People most need encouragement to persevere when they did the right thing but were not successful.
http://markhughes.typepad.com/insights/2009/08/the-power-of-positive-reinforcement.html
Hi Mark, I didn’t write this post, but I’ve always found it ironic that the positive reinforcement which is used with such success in children (think potty training) is ignored in adults.
Employees are people first and employees second, so if a technique works on people it will work on employees—not exactly rocket science.
Thanks for stopping by and adding your thoughts.
[...] acknowledge it to others, or even admit it to ourselves, we all need a little praise in our life. Leadership Turn » Give Someone a Pat on the Back Because they Need it (via Success Motivation: See what people are saying right now on Technorati) Mary Jo of the [...]