This story is one of the saddest I’ve read lately.

That is an age when a child should spend time being a child, exploring their world, running around, creating imaginary worlds, friends, situations and enjoying unconditional love.

Instead, they are learning that to please mommy and daddy they have to get a certain teat result and get into a certain school.

…3- and 4-year-olds whose parents hope that a little assistance — costing upward of $1,000 for several sessions — will help them win coveted spots in the city’s gifted and talented public kindergarten classes.

Granted, I didn’t read all 166 comments, but 98% of the ones I did read were negative on tutoring. Many of them reacted as I did—let kids be kids.

But many parents see their kids as a reflection or symbol of their own success; that means pressure to excel—even at that age.

Of course, those who do get in will be labeled “high potential” and “leadership material,” which is ridiculous at that age. And so we destroy potential in the rest.

Life is so short and childhood is even shorter. There is plenty of time to compete, set goals, worry whether you are achieving enough vs. what others are doing. Time to find out that love can be conditional on accomplishing your parent’s expectations.

But is it really necessary to start at age three?

Your comments—priceless

Don’t miss a post, subscribe via RSS or EMAIL

Image credit: edenpictures on flickr

Post from: Leadership Turn

In case you don’t remember, the caveat is that leadership information is useful to you whether you are still in school, a stay-at-home parent, a worker, middle manager, or the person in the corner office. Everyone leads at one time or another, so tweak the information to fit what you need at this moment.

First, some useful information from a book review called 7 Lessons for Navigating the Storm, the 7 actions listed can be implemented by anyone in or out of crisis.

Speaking of navigating, the Navel Leadership blog lists 11 Principles “To help you be, know, and do…,” I think you’ll like them.

Especially for my women readers, and anyone who plans on functioning in the now-and-future world, a write-up of two books, Women Lead and Remarkable Women. If you want to read them try your local library or Amazon.

Parents are the first leaders most of us follow—more or less. I wonder how a parent who yells handles similar frustrations at work. Because, like any other leader, the longer we are with them the more effort it takes to earn our trust and respect.

Finally, from Psychology Today, learn about “the cheap psychological tricks used by bad leaders.”

Enjoy!

Your comments—priceless

Don’t miss a post, subscribe via RSS or EMAIL

Image credit: nono farahshila on flickr

Post from: Leadership Turn

I’ve never understood the preoccupation with the glitterati, but I have wondered how much our celebrity-worshiping culture affects kids?

According to Drew Pinsky MD, AKA, Dr. Drew on radio and TV, and S. Mark Young, a social scientist it may be especially dangerous for young people, who view celebrities as role models.

“They are the sponges of our culture. Their values are now being set. Are they really the values we want our young people to be absorbing? … It harkens back to the question of how much are young people affected by models of social learning. Humans are the only animals who learn by watching other humans.”

Worse than dysfunctional celebs is our penchant for making heroes out of the bad guys.

18 year-old, 6-foot-5, 200-pound “Colton Harris-Moore is suspected in about 50 burglary cases since he slipped away from a halfway house in April 2008. Now, authorities say, he may have adopted a more dangerous hobby: stealing airplanes.”

Adin Stevens of Seattle is selling T-shirts celebrating him and there is a fan club on Facebook.

I’m not surprised, in a world where serial killers have groupies and people fight for souvenirs of death-row inmates it figures that they’re going to romanticize someone who manages to not get caught.

But what makes me ill are his mother’s comments, “I hope to hell he stole those airplanes – I would be so proud,” Pam Kohler said, noting her son’s lack of training. “But put in there that I want him to wear a parachute next time.”

It’s tough enough to grow up these days; it’s tougher in a dysfunctional home or in areas that are gang-controlled, but what kid stands a chance with parents like this?

What can we do? Where can we find more positive role models that have the glamour that mesmerizes kids and grownups alike?

When will we glorify function instead of dysfunction? Meaning instead of money?

Your comments—priceless

Don’t miss a post, subscribe via RSS or EMAIL

Image credit: Chesi – Fotos CC on flickr

Post from: Leadership Turn

In 1976, the shooting of a 13-year-old sparked a children’s uprising against apartheid that spread across the country to Cape Town, where students from a mixed-race high school, Salt River, marched in solidarity with black schoolchildren.

September 15, 2009, Seattle schools plan to lower the passing grade from C to D, partly match the rest of the state’s districts and partly to keep their funding by keeping kids in school.

On September 24, 2009, thousands of South African children peacefully marched to City Hall demanding better schools, libraries and librarians.

September 2009 a debate at Answers.com is hosting a wiki debate on the value of homework. (Read it and weep at the language skills that dominate the anti-homework crowd who are your future employees.)

Finally, I just received an email (thanks Sunie!) with this picture and comments on the spelling of “bokay.” Many florists use this spelling in their marketing, but one of the comments made me cringe, “I thought is was spelled bowkay” and the writer seemed serious.

I wonder what would happen if

• school became a right that could only be earned by the child’s effort, not by the parent’s efforts or their money;
• student performance, not attendance, was the criterion for funding;
• being a ‘tough’ teacher by demanding performance was encouraged;
• kids had to work at whatever menial job they could find when they chose not to perform in school

None of this will ever happen, but it is interesting conjecture.

What do you think?

Your comments—priceless

Don’t miss a post, subscribe via RSS or EMAIL

Image credit: Facebook

Post from: Leadership Turn

The trouble is that I find far more articles than I can write about, so today I’m giving you links to the best of them. I hope you take the small amount of time necessary to click through and read them, because they are important to y/our future.

First is a question that has been asked for decades and still has no real agreement. Do advanced degrees in education make for a better teacher or just a higher paycheck? But below the surface of this question lurks a larger problem—what happens when the schools conferring the degree has a second rate, or worse, program?

Next is an article about “effortful control” in toddlers and the value of guilt, or what the kids call “a sinking feeling in the tummy,” with a link to the actual study. The researcher also spells out the substantial difference between guilt, doing something bad, and shame, being a bad person—guilt is productive, shame is destructive.

Third is Boston Public Schools has reinstituted their Parent Academy after killing it earlier this year in the midst of budget cuts. Call it a parent engagement project and they are sweeping the country. The one in Boston cost between $50-100K, a cheap price for getting parents actively and positively involved in their kids education.

Last is an update on an article that CandidProf wrote last year regarding the dismal graduation statistics resulting from tying funding to college recruiting. Now the results are starting to show. “The United States does a good job enrolling teenagers in college, but only half of students who enroll end up with a bachelor’s degree.” Only Italy has a worse record; pretty sad. Be sure to read the comments for a number of interesting views.

Your comments—priceless

Don’t miss a post, subscribe via RSS or EMAIL

Image credit: nono farahshila on flickr

Post from: Leadership Turn

I simply don’t understand what today’s parents are thinking—assuming they are thinking at all.

18 years ago Wanda Holloway tried to hire a hit man to improve her 13 year old daughter’s chances of making the cheer-leading squad.

More recently Lori Drew helped her teenage daughter fake a MySpace page that drove another teen to suicide.

Parents launch efforts to destroy teachers who don’t hand out ‘As’; they scream at referees and umpires when they disagree with a call; they threaten coaches who don’t allow their kids to play enough.

On one hand they enable their kids to avoid all responsibility and on the other castigate them for not living up to whatever parental dreams they are trying to realize.

I know that it’s not all parents; and this isn’t a new rant, but it’s one to which I keep coming back.

And it came back with a vengeance, in fact you might say my outrage cup runneth over, when I read that Senator John Ensign’s parents paid off his mistress.

“The wealthy parents of Sen. John Ensign (R-Nev.) gave $96,000 last year to the staffer who was then his mistress and to her family, his attorney said yesterday.

The gifts to Cynthia L. Hampton and her family were given “out of concern for the well-being of longtime family friends during a difficult time,” according to the lawyer, Paul Coggins.”par

Ensign’s parents aren’t Gen-Xers and probably not Boomers, so this problem isn’t new.

You read stories about helicopter parents all the time, but when does it end?

How can anyone expect a person to make good choices when their mistakes (and worse) are ‘handled’ for them by their parents?

What do you think about Ensign’s parents’ actions? Obviously, pay-offs aren’t in the same class as murder; are they better or equal with bullying?

I don’t have any answers, but we’d better find some—and fast!

An open discussion is a place to start so let’s hear your thoughts.

Your comments—priceless

Don’t miss a post, subscribe via RSS or EMAIL

Image credit: Army.mil on flickr

Post from: Leadership Turn

Parents seem to be doing everything possible to avoid exposing their little darlings to a dose of reality.

Quotes in a December post highlighted parental efforts to fill Christmas wish lists and shelter their kids from the tanking economy.

A letter to Malcolm Berko asking for financial advice is another example of the lengths to which parents are willing to go, here is the key part.

“…Our son will graduate high school this May and we don’t have the savings to send him to the University of Florida, his chosen school where his two best buddies attend. Our combined 401(k) savings plans are worth $67,000 and they too took a big hit in the market. So we are thinking either of taking a mortgage on our home (we built it without borrowing money), cosigning a note at the credit union or cashing in our 401(k) plans for his college money. Or I could take a part-time consulting job…”

Berko doesn’t suffer fools gladly and has no compunction about saying what he thinks (I highly recommend his column). I’ve shortened his response, but it’s worth reading the whole thing.

“I’d be more concerned about adding money to your retirement savings plan than helping your son pay for frat parties, beer, sex and drugs at the University of Florida…I suspect he really wants to party with his buddies, and UF is a great party school.

Here’s my advice: Tell your son to join the armed services where he’ll mature in a hurry…Or your kid can live at home, attend a community college…and take a part-time job at McDonald’s. If he does well in community college, he can easily find the financial support to earn a bachelor’s or a master’s degree.”

One reason the Great Depression made a great impression was that kids weren’t sheltered from its effects. And although this isn’t a depression the principle is the same.

Saddest of all, preventing kids from experiencing and dealing with reality now cripples them in the future. They have a

• harder time in college;
• more difficulties when they start working and
• more problems in relationships and marriage.

Succeeding in life requires knowing what to do and how to deal with things when they don’t go your way and are outside of your control.

But as long as parents keep shielding kids from the ups and downs of reality and are available to intervene and make [whatever] better then there’s no reason for kids to learn how to do it themselves, which will be a big disadvantage for them in the future.

Your comments—priceless

Don’t miss a post, subscribe via RSS or EMAIL

Image credit: flickr

Post from: Leadership Turn

Of course, parents should encourage their children to grow, but this type of thing furthers the myth of what to look for in those who become ‘leaders’, while those without these traits are destined for a lesser role in life.

“…raise your child to be a winner, a leader and a success rather than another member of the dull rat race.”

The ‘leader’ to which the post and follow-up links refer is the person out front with the big pay package, as opposed to plain, hard-working solid citizens—I guess they’re the afore mentioned dull members.

Leadership isn’t a set of skills, it’s how you think and live.

And while it may be your pleasure to see your children excel, it’s your parental leadership responsibility to help them do it.

5 ways for parents to lead

1. Teach your children to love reading books. Books offer every person a world of hard knowledge and imagination stimulants.
2. Don’t make things easy for them, especially in school. A poor grade merits neither a rant at the kid or the teacher, rather it requires your effort to understand the difficulty—tough homework isn’t it—and assistance to find ways to improve.
3. Don’t fight your kids’ battles. People grow by overcoming difficulties, so be supportive and available to help, but don’t do it for them. Obviously, the exception is bullying, which should never be tolerated.
4. Set age/maturity appropriate boundaries within which decisions are up to them without interference or advice; this gives kids the luxury of making mistakes and learning from them.
5. Don’t live vicariously through your children. Their hopes, dreams, fears and worries should be of their own making, not foisted on them, whether actively or passively.

By the way, if you follow the links in the post I mentioned you’ll find it’s a sales pitch for a Christian leadership course.

Your comments—priceless

Don’t miss a post, subscribe via RSS or EMAIL

Image credit: Sandy Caldwell

Post from: Leadership Turn

In many cases these are the same parents who babble on about their strong ethical/religious (take your choice of which) principals and moral superiority and are oh-so-quick with their judgments of others.

They are the same ones who scream at the coach for not letting their child play; condemn the teacher when their child’s grades aren’t up to their expectations; complain that the boss is incompetent when their child is fired for poor performance.

Supposedly it’s parents’ responsibility to lead their children by providing a value structure, encouraging/supporting their growth and doing all those other leadership things about which we’re constantly reading.

I say supposedly because based on the very visible results very few are actually doing it.

The bad old times when the assumption was that the child is always wrong have been replaced with the assumption that everybody is wrong except the child—as long as the child is theirs and the family is of an acceptable social level with enough economic power to insist.

I’m not saying the old way was good, but it did produce stronger character than having every bump in the road smoothed out for you.

But, then, the children long ago stopped taking their direction from adults, preferring the advice and ‘wisdom’ of their peers.

< ![endif]–>The problem is that advice sans judgment; a false belief that whatever they screw up their parents can/will fix; or a strong ‘the rules apply to everybody but me’ attitude can have serious reprecussions.

So where exactly are we headed?

Your comments—priceless

Don’t miss a post, subscribe via RSS or EMAIL

Image credit: budgetstoc CC license

Post from: Leadership Turn